if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
