I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
