She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
