I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
