We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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