The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
