i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
