maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
