Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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