Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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