when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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