I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
