You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
