I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
