I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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