Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
