im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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