yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
