My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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