So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
