Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
