need another drink. this is the easiest way
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
