The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
