what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
