I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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