At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
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