Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
