i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
