listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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