so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
