I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
