I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
