before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
