I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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