dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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