I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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