Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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