i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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