So drunk, too bad you don't want this
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
