I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
