Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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