Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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