Apparently you make a good broom.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
