the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
