Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
