i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
