saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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