I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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