booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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