I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
