someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
