my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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