she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
