you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
