so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
