The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
