Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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