if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
