I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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