I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
