i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
