Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
