I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
