when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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