need another drink. this is the easiest way
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
do herpes really smell.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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