I'm laying in your front yard are you home
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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