I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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