tell your sister to shave her snatch
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
