So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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