I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
