Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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