arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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