I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
