I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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