I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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