my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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