no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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