Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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