There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
