I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Randomize