I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
