Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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