Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
