so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
All the doctor said was why
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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