Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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