Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
