I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize