Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
