Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
