THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
