My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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