i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize