I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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