I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
