I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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