Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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