who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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