So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
